Living Sucide.

       I hate to constantly bring up my past and speak about the dark moments that have occurred in my life but I feel as if those are the moments that really define my future and who I am today. For the past couple of years, I have been battling with eating disorders, school, my social relationships, and most importantly, myself.
       I have tried everything to get better from counseling, hobbies, therapy to advice columns and more but  nothing has sufficed. Basically, I am at the point in my life where I have given up internally,  yet I am still here on this earth. I call it a living suicide. That moment in your life where you exist but you are not living. Physically, you may be there in form but mentally,you're dead.
         I am not sure if I will ever really get better because no matter how many times I have cried or I have pleaded for help and for change, I have always found myself in the same position I was in the day before. I have heard of people who have suffered with this  for years and I can't imagine being in the same position I am in now for years to come. My heart has become so heavy and I have become so emotional and this type of pain has taken away such joyful moments in my life and life, in general, for me.
          I am sorry if this post was a little more depressing than usual and I am not really sure where I was going with this. I just wanted to be able to just write out my feelings because I believe that  it is good to reflect on your past sometimes especially when your past is still affecting your present and future. So through it all, I hope to only become stronger and one day, I hope to conquer this battle occurring in my life and I hope to finally be able to go back to truly living.

To all those who are fighting and may feel alone, I only hope that you, too, continue to fight because although the battle may be long and exhausting, there is an end an it will eventually be okay because if it is not okay, it is not over. I am here with you.

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