College Days Swiftly Pass

College Days Swiftly Pass.

       Now that I am in my second year of college, I can notice how crazy it is how much has happened to me from last year until now. I have learned so much about myself, as far as my strengths and weaknesses. During my freshmen year, I battled challenged upon challenge. My identity, my confidence, family, friends, and even GPA. I was out of control. I had no idea what was happening to myself and what was happening around me.

       Every day was a new issue for me: whether it was my crush who never seemed to notice me, the girls who never seemed to acknowledge me, or the classes that never seemed to interest me. Nothing changed, no matter how many times I tried to start over and be optimistic, when it came to my daily conquest to change the world just as my fellow college students. But how can we change the world when we have not even changed ourselves?

       As college students, we are expected to enter school knowing our future and what we want to do but there is a major flaw with that expectation: we do not even know who we are yet. We are just now learning about our abilities, about our limits, about our life. We cannot be forced to decide the rest of our lives if we have not even begun to live it yet. 

       Most freshmen like myself  experience a rough first year of college. The American College Health Association found that about 30 percent of college students reported feeling "so depressed that it was difficult to function" at some time in their first year. Being that we are only young adults, and given all the freedom we have just acquired, it is hard not to become depressed. We are placed in a massive environment where all we have is ourselves, but we do not know who we are yet. The loneliness can be so nauseating that you become weak by the darkness.
       
       Thus, my advice for all incoming freshmen and college students, in general, is to invest time in yourself. Do not spend your entire four years stressed about your major and future because how can you have a future if you are lost in the present? The most successful people in the world are the ones who understand themselves and what they want, because it is then and only then that they are able to fuel their success with pure passion. So, go out and enjoy yourself. Go out at midnight on a school night just because you think it will be fun, or watch movies simply to satisfy your curiosity. Do it because you are young and you deserve these years to not care and find out who you are instead of killing yourself trying to get the grades you want. Do it all with no regrets because college days swiftly pass.

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What he thinks

He thinks she is funnier than I am.

He thinks she is more attractive. 

He thinks she is more intelligent.

And he thinks I am just a friend.

There are so many girls or boys all over the world that he is going to find better than me. And I have to accept that. I have accept that I will never be the funniest, prettiest, smartest, most amazing girl in his world, completely regardless of the the fact that he is the funniest, prettiest, smartest, and most amazing boy in mine. And I have to accept this.

I am sorry for venting, but I think of this blog as an outlet. I hope that you can use Anonymous in this way as well.

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Stress

Hey girls, it is getting to that point in the school year where exams start popping up, where work is being assigned left and right, where teachers are grading harder, and you are getting stressed.

There are a lot of ways to handle being stressed...

Take a break, eat a snack, a short nap, listening to music, doing something fun.

And instead of beating yourself up over your lack of calm, try your best to incorporate these tendencies into your scheduled life.
Study, snack. Read, nap. Homework, fun.
Life is a conglomerate of hundreds of activities and finding the proper balance between them is what makes life easier. Do not let your life flash by in a wave of schoolwork and tension; enjoy it.

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STIs

By this point in my life, I have had at least two friends succumb to the embarrassment and stress of contracting a sexually transmitted infection.

I am not a health teacher here to warn you against the dangers of STI's; I am here to support and guide you if you ever find yourself caught in this predicament.

First, know that, for a majority of infections, there is a cure. My friend with the awful experience of contracting Chlamydia was able to cure herself within one week.

Second, know that it is possible to contract an STI while wearing protection. (Just ask my friend!) This means that it is very important to communicate with your partner about your health. Just think- what if it was not Chlamydia, but HIV? As I am sure you are aware, there is no available and reliable cure.

Third, know that your true friends will help you through it, whether that means driving you somewhere you need to go or researching help. If you have good friends, you automatically have support. Use them to help you!

Fourth, always know you can use this forum as a resource! We can help you.

Now go out and have fun, but be smart!

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Mind fuck

Hey guys, on a more philosophical side, I want to introduce you to an idea that I think about very often myself: Personal, physical reality is not the true reality.

What is she saying?

Think of this way:

• Every person experiences their own physical reality. 

examples: 1. He kissed me. 2. That tree fell down by itself. 

• Everyone's physical reality is actually what is happening inside of their mind.

examples: 1. I am too shy to start the kiss; he must have. 2. I did not see anything bombard the tree; it must be a natural failure.

• Everyone's physical reality is different from one another.

examples: 1. She kissed me. 2. The tree was knocked over by something.

• At any time, there are at least 2, but potentially thousands of different realities.

examples: 1. The kissed each other / They bumped into one another / How cute/ Ew, PDA. 2. The tree was supposed to fall down / The tree was cut down / The tree was sick / The tree was attacked.

• SO the true reality is mental, not physical.

No matter what happens in "real life," what we process ourselves is what is happening in our life.

Why?

Perceptions

Opinions

Prior knowledge

Prejudice

and tons more...

So everyone enjoy your mental reality and enjoy this mind fuck.

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Gossip

"Jealousy is the sincerest form of flattery."

And don't you forget it!

Girls tend to trash talk each other like nobody's business. Spreading rumors, starting lies, gossiping about one another. Almost always, this endless chatter is negative, and it truly hurts people. I myself have been the recipient of several malicious comments. 

I am here to tell you not to let other people's words affect you.

You have probably heard the famous saying, "What Susie says of Sally, says more of Susie than of Sally." This is 100% true.

If you have ever been victimized by this vulgar form of bullying, I am sorry.

And if you have ever found yourself being the one to trash talk others, it is time to grow up.

In an age riddled with bullying, you do not want to find yourself on the wrong side of this argument. Besides, does making fun of other's make you any better? No. In fact, it actually makes you a less decent person.

Furthermore, this divisive action is not only taken by women; boys can be master manipulators by the word of mouth. In some situations, what boys say can be even worse!  

Girls: watch out. People will try to drag you down, but you do not belong there. Rise above.

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College

Us here at Anonymous have both been in college for a couple of years now. We know the ropes and are here to help you transition smoothly through this amazing time.


Both of us agree that college automatically and wondrously surpasses high school, middle school, or any other school experience we have had. Forget the drama, forget waking up at the crack of dawn every day, forget the daily tedium. College sets you free!

You are allowed to choose your own classes, select a major, live on your own, and party as much as you want. Even if you are not into partying, there are clubs, sports, extracurricular activities. You are sure to find people interested in the same things as you!

Sure, not every aspect of the college life is amazing...

• Be prepared for dorm rooms half the size of your room at home.
• Be prepared for living with someone with whom you do not get along.
• Prepare yourself for studying all night long and eating chicken tenders every night.
• Prepare yourself for people talking about sex. A lot. 
• And if you are one of those party people, prepare yourself for surprise hospitals visits to support a friend that drank way too much.

If you have questions or comments about majors, about what an RA is, about frat parties, or anything else you can think of...

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Divorce

I am a child of divorce and I have to tell you that it is one of the most challenging circumstances from which to recover, in a a variety of painful ways.

No one really covers the effects of a broken home in a thoughtful way. Well, for all of you that have suffered through the misfortune of having a split family, I am here for you.

When I was ten, it happened once and I had no idea what was happening within my own family. No one around me said the word, yet everyone was splitting up and going different ways. I was not even living in the same house in which I had grown up.
When I was fifteen, it happened for real. The word was said and there was absolutely no turning back.

Everyone will have a different experience with divorce. I had a friend who thought that if this makes her parents happy then it must be a good thing. If only I could have that mentality.

I felt rejected and alone, heart broken and sad, unwanted and meaningless, embarrassed and frightened. Sometimes, thinking about all of the pain caused and suffered, I still feel that way.

Girls, hang in there.


Try to take relief in the fact that hopefully you do not have to listen to your parents fight anymore. You do not have to change lives. Maybe some members of your family are more happy.

Though I feel like a hypocrite writing these words, I want you to know that, despite what your heart might tell you, you will not die of pain and sadness. It is an extremely trying time, but you can get through it.


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"Weird"

I would like to argue that there is no such thing as "weird." You are you.

If you have ever been called weird or strange, an outcast or a loser- what were the reasons behind this? Was it because you dressed differently? Acted differently? Enjoyed different activities?

What so many people fail to realize is that everyone is DIFFERENT.

And, instead of ostracizing people based on these characteristics, enjoy it! You may only meet one person who enjoys putting peanut butter on celery; they are not weird. What if you never see a boy with long hair again? Never hear a girl with a low, raspy voice talk?
Everyone is unique and what makes one unique does not make one weird.

I encourage you to look for the differences in people and celebrate them. For, if that one person receives too much negative hate for their personal characteristic, what is so interesting to the world might become a nuisance to that individual. And the effect of this would be disastrous: conformity.
Embrace different hair styles and music taste, just as one should respect varying skin colors and sexualities.

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Expectations

I have an uplifting secret about body image and self esteem.

Conforming to society's expectations of beauty is not, never has been, and never will be, "cool."

Let's take a look at this statement, shall we?

Being "cool" is not fitting in. Being "cool" is not obeying every rule. 

Being cool is standing out.

Since when do punk rockers obey society's laws?

Since when do gangsters care about meeting society's high expectations?

Since when do divas and hustlers dress according to vogue? Or put on weight to meet other's standards?

I am not saying that being punk rock or being a diva is cool; What I am saying is that they do not care about what society says about fashion and appearance and they work it.

You can picture the style and swag of these groups of people effortlessly, and none of them gives a fuck about what society will think.

So next time you look in the mirror and feel inadequate, think: What would Keith Richards do? What would Eminem do? Ozzy Osbourne? Snoop? 

Say fuck it. 

Dress how you want to dress. 

Look how you want to look.

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Back to School

I want to start by wishing everyone a happy semester ahead! Going back to school can be stressful, but let us take the time to realize just how fleeting and fun this time truly is.

Sure, homework sucks. Tests suck. Studying sucks.
But what is better than seeing your friends everyday?
What is better than delving into a topic of your interest?
What is better than succeeding at something you love?

You do not always excel at school (most of the time I am just barely getting by myself!) But it is the adventure that is the true success in your life. Regardless of the grade you receive at the end of the class, simply learning and thriving means you have succeeded.
Do not let every C or D control your life. 
Do not let every all-nighter and difficult test kill your spirit.
The academia of school is not all that matters; the experience is just as important. Remember as you are taking your SATs, writing an essay, or signing up for your college classes, that this is your life! It is happening at this very moment, good or bad. If you need to, put down your pencil. Take a look around. This is your life. Enjoy it!

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Living Sucide.

       I hate to constantly bring up my past and speak about the dark moments that have occurred in my life but I feel as if those are the moments that really define my future and who I am today. For the past couple of years, I have been battling with eating disorders, school, my social relationships, and most importantly, myself.
       I have tried everything to get better from counseling, hobbies, therapy to advice columns and more but  nothing has sufficed. Basically, I am at the point in my life where I have given up internally,  yet I am still here on this earth. I call it a living suicide. That moment in your life where you exist but you are not living. Physically, you may be there in form but mentally,you're dead.
         I am not sure if I will ever really get better because no matter how many times I have cried or I have pleaded for help and for change, I have always found myself in the same position I was in the day before. I have heard of people who have suffered with this  for years and I can't imagine being in the same position I am in now for years to come. My heart has become so heavy and I have become so emotional and this type of pain has taken away such joyful moments in my life and life, in general, for me.
          I am sorry if this post was a little more depressing than usual and I am not really sure where I was going with this. I just wanted to be able to just write out my feelings because I believe that  it is good to reflect on your past sometimes especially when your past is still affecting your present and future. So through it all, I hope to only become stronger and one day, I hope to conquer this battle occurring in my life and I hope to finally be able to go back to truly living.

To all those who are fighting and may feel alone, I only hope that you, too, continue to fight because although the battle may be long and exhausting, there is an end an it will eventually be okay because if it is not okay, it is not over. I am here with you.

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Travel

Tomorrow I leave for vacation in Europe.

 I love traveling.
The smells, the food, the cultures, the people, the sights, the packing, the airports. Everything is different, but so unique that it has its own charm and luxury. For that one week you are on vacation, so many everyday problems disappear. Traveling is both an escape and an exploration.
I have had the privilege of visiting many countries around the world, but I will never lose my thirst for traveling. So often, I feel that people focus on visiting the major cities and important first-world nations around the world, but there is so much more to Earth than fine architecture and luxurious hotels.
I want to visit Africa- go on a safari in the Serengeti. I want to stay in South America- go hiking in the Andes mountains. I want to travel to India and learn the secrets of the busy, poor villages. Visit Turkey, and see where the Middle East meets Eastern Europe.
However, so much of the world is unsafe for women to travel. All of the world, including places in my home the United States of America, it is completely delusional for a girl to visit unaccompanied by a man. There is the risk of robbery, rape, mugging, cat calling, or even murder.
Feeling unsafe in a new city is not the proper way to explore.
I want to travel, and I do not want to be restricted by the possibility of a man attacking me.

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Addiction

A very close and personal friend of mine goes by the name Addiction. You all might know her. She makes appearances on TV shows and movies as a common enemy of all, but the desired partner of one, demented and disillusioned individual; this person is always crazy, somehow. No one takes the time to realize the intensity and chemical foundation of addiction. Addiction is not a choice, much like how race, gender, or sexuality is not a choice. So why are addicts punished so cruelly for something they cannot control?

Let me tell you a story:
I have a sister. Let us call her Britney. In high school, Britney got arrested for the illegal possession of one thing or another. I was the one to answer the phone call at my house. I was the one who handed the box with the policeman's voice coming out of it to my mother. I was riding in the car as we picked her up from 'downtown.' I was there to witness the future downfall of Britney.
No more was the pleasing personality, but an ever changing mix of emotions, ranging from a terrorizing rage to a blank disposition. I was young and did not understand. I did not understand why Britney was no longer in college and why we had not seen her for over a year. I did not understand why she packed her belongings in garbage bags and left, all those years ago.
Another phone call. This time, from a hospital. This time, I did not answer the phone, nor was I there in the hospital as they explained her shaking leg and destroyed veins and black dots on her arm and sunken face and weight loss. But I was there, standing in front of my house, as she came home. Britney came home, bringing with her her new best friend. Thinking back on the scene now, I can almost see next to Britney another figure; a clear form in the shape of all my worst fears, holding my sisters hand, guiding her through one mistake after another.
Addiction has been a part of my life for years, almost as long as I can remember, but perhaps the saddest event my old friend Addiction has caused is the most recent travesty.
Britney had a baby. The baby, let's call him George, was born, but had to spend his first few months in the hospital because he was born addicted to heroin, just like his mother. Once he was healthy and released, it appeared that Britney was turning over a new leaf. She was not, apparently, on drugs, but she did have to deal with a load of court cases. Unfortunately, Britney was sent to jail for past crimes. From jail, she was transferred to rehab. For months, nearly a year, she had been away at these facilities. She is missing the life of her son, the life of her family, the life she could be having, the life she is supposed to be living right now. The date of Britney's release from rehab and back into our home was a week away. In just a week, Britney, George, my mom, me, we would all be together! We bought beds, we set up a new room for George, we bought baby toys and books, we were buying food! Everyone was excited. Perhaps this would be it for Britney- no more hardship, no more disaster. Everything would be okay from here on out.
Another phone call.
Ring, ring. Addiction calls.
Britney has been sent away from rehab and back to jail because she is not clean.
Britney will not be reunited with her son, with her mom, with me.
Ring, ring.

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False Hope

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pi3bc9lS3rg

   It's hard to watch these types of videos and feel inspired. Because in the moment, you may feel inspired and feel as if the whole world is on your side; you may feel that nothing matters anymore: not your weight, your face, or your imperfections. But, as soon as that last second plays and  the video ends, reality hits. The reality of the situation is that appearance does matter. We are ultimately judged by our looks and backgrounds and no one gives a shit about anything else.
     Occasionally, some influential person in our society, whether he or she is an actor or singer, tries to come out with some inspirational bullshit that is suppose to show that he or she cares and that your feelings really do matter. But ultimately, as soon as that video ends, hope ends. That hope that things may change in your life and that you could feel as beautiful every day as you felt watching that video of a girl standing in the mirror facing her scars with a smile, or that book about the cancer girl who finds romance, or that song that is telling you that you're perfect but it ends and life goes on.

   This is no disrespect to John Legend. I love his work and personally, I believe that his music is the best of our generation. However, I just want to acknowledge the fact that we shouldn't need others' pity to make us feel happy or beautiful. As a society, we depend too much on others and we focus on others' pity rather than  his or her success. Whenever you tune into a singing competition, the video logs of the contestants  always seem to bring up some sad story to make people vote for them and sometimes people are too focused on the cancer survivor's story, that they are blinded from the real talent, or the real winner. Thus, I think it is time that we focus on where people are trying to go rather than where they came from. Why not embrace people's success then their failures? So with that said, I challenge you to watch that video without feeling sympathetic about people's issues but instead, celebrate the variation of imperfections in this world, not just today but everyday.

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Regret

Have you ever been sitting down, thinking about some event in the past, and then suddenly you shiver? Sometimes you cringe just thinking about a past mistake?

Maybe, you should have told him how you feel, you should not have kissed her, you lied, you stole, you did something that goes against who you are, or perhaps who you want to be.
Yeah, that's me right now.
I was thinking about one time a boy kissed me, and I kissed him back, in front of a boy I genuinely liked (and like, as he still has a charming hold on me). Regret.
One time I was dared to kiss that boy I like, I excitedly did, but then stopped for fear of his opinion about it. Regret.
And that one time, I should have said yes to that dance proposal back in the eighth grade. Regret upon regret.
Maybe this, maybe that. One time this, one time that.
I understand that this all happened in the past and as time travel does not exist it is impossible to fix these errors in my life. There is no rewind button, nor pause, nor stop. Life is continuously and endlessly playing, yet the past seems just as eager to present itself as the present moment.
It is possible to act differently in the future, and not let history repeat itself, but so often when you are in a crucial moment in the present, the past is absent from your life. So often, you forget what you have done and only think about what you will do now. Sadly, perhaps the next time I kiss this boy (for I hope that there will be a next time!) I will pull back. Again.

And that will just be another regret.

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July 10, 2014

Hi,

   Today I woke up and went on a run, and I really ran; I don't know to where I was running, but I kept running, hoping that if I ran enough, all my fat would disappear and I would come out looking like Kendall Jenner and then maybe I could actually be happy. For the past three months of my life, I have been battling with my body, but most importantly, myself.
 I suffer from binge disorder; this disorder has become a part of me, a part that has been slowly destroying me from the inside out. Everyday, I struggle with what to eat and how to feel and how to be myself. When I am out with my friends, I pretend that I am okay, that I would love to have another cookie but they do not know that when I go home, I will probably cry myself to sleep because of that one extra cookie. I will probably break down because of that person who told me that I have gotten "bigger" or that I "eat everything." To them that may be a joke but to me, that is a life sentence. The crazy part is that every girl has struggled with their weight in some way,sot why do we all continue to do or say things that we know will affect others, the same way it has effected us?
   Personally, I have tried so hard to start over again and to be "normal" or be "happy" but I have learned that happiness isn't a noun. Happiness is not something that you can get or have but  instead, it is something that describes you, something that defines you. To be happy you need to feel happy but for me? I feel that every second lived should be a blessing to the people around me because I fight every second to stay alive, to stay interested about my life....I fight every day to say "Today, I woke up."

    As girls, there is so much pressure on us now and days to be the prettiest, strongest, and smartest girl. That sometimes we may get so caught up in this superficial world we live in that we may not understand the privilege of being able to live another day because for some girls, they have already given up. So, take some time today to appreciate the fact that you were able to wake up today.

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Welcome.

Today is the first day of Anonymous, a blog run by two anonymous girls creating a platform for all women to share their thoughts and feelings. We want this blog to a declaration for all girls around the world and for this to create a strong, positive impact on the lives of our generation.
So, join in the delcaration

July 10th, 2014,
I declare my rights to being a girl. I declare my right to say what I want, be who I am, and love who I want. I declare that, as a girl, I will not shame other girls for their choices, but stand united with my fellow women as we prove that we are worth so much more than a sexual innuendo in a rap song. I declare that I will not be destroyed by the words that surround me, but fight for myself. I declare myself strong, brave, independent, loving, caring, wild, romantic, fierce. I declare that I am not the one and perfect form of a girl that society wants and demands. I declare that I am unique and cannot be defined. I declare that the women of the world stand together.

I am Anonymous.

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