Hi,
Today I woke up and went on a run, and I really ran; I don't know to where I was running, but I kept running, hoping that if I ran enough, all my fat would disappear and I would come out looking like Kendall Jenner and then maybe I could actually be happy. For the past three months of my life, I have been battling with my body, but most importantly, myself.
I suffer from binge disorder; this disorder has become a part of me, a part that has been slowly destroying me from the inside out. Everyday, I struggle with what to eat and how to feel and how to be myself. When I am out with my friends, I pretend that I am okay, that I would love to have another cookie but they do not know that when I go home, I will probably cry myself to sleep because of that one extra cookie. I will probably break down because of that person who told me that I have gotten "bigger" or that I "eat everything." To them that may be a joke but to me, that is a life sentence. The crazy part is that every girl has struggled with their weight in some way,sot why do we all continue to do or say things that we know will affect others, the same way it has effected us?
Personally, I have tried so hard to start over again and to be "normal" or be "happy" but I have learned that happiness isn't a noun. Happiness is not something that you can get or have but instead, it is something that describes you, something that defines you. To be happy you need to feel happy but for me? I feel that every second lived should be a blessing to the people around me because I fight every second to stay alive, to stay interested about my life....I fight every day to say "Today, I woke up."
As girls, there is so much pressure on us now and days to be the prettiest, strongest, and smartest girl. That sometimes we may get so caught up in this superficial world we live in that we may not understand the privilege of being able to live another day because for some girls, they have already given up. So, take some time today to appreciate the fact that you were able to wake up today.
Sign here,
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